Just for giggles

I read this on someone else's blog and laughed my butt off! I hope you enjoy it too! P.S. WT (White Trash)


Aldi in the Hood

That's right. There's a distinct difference between Aldi in the 'burbs and the Aldi in the Hood. And I'm here to spell them out for you. I had never yet been to Aldi in the Hood, but last week, I was picking up my dry cleaning in the Hood (at the waaaaay cheaper cleaners there...), and I figured while I was over there, I'd give it a shot and save myself the trip to the one I usually go to. Neither is actually close to my own home, so it's never a convenient trip, to be honest. At least not as convenient as my grocery store a few blocks away.

I walked in and discovered that the layout was basically the same. Same routine on the carts. Prices: same. Cool...but that's where the similarities ended, my WT comrades. Here's how it went down from there...

So, I'm strolling along the first aisle, and this guy stops in front of the sugars and proudly tells his wife/significant other/hoochie mama...whatever:
"Hey, 'dis brown sugah bettah for ya' dan duh white stuff. It healthy. It the heart healthy shit. Let's get some."

It took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about. Aha! He was thinking of the naturally brown sugar - you know, like Sugar in the Raw? The unprocessed stuff? Far be it from me to correct the genious.

Strolling, strolling...
An employee approaches an ancient woman just behind me...
"Excuse me, ma'am. We're going to have to keep that bag for you up front while you're shopping. You can have it back when you leave the store." (takes a plastic shopping bag from the elderly woman, while repeating what she has just said) It becomes apparent that the woman has been placing smaller items in the bag in an effort to steal them. This is disturbing on so many levels...
not the least of which is the value (or apparent lack thereof) that we place on the elderly in our society. But this is a "happy" column, so I'll journey onward.

So, I'm on the produce aisle, which, by the way, is probably about five percent the size of the supermarket size of produce aisle. Generally, at Aldi, as I've mentioned before, there's just one of each type of product (one white bread, one grape jelly, one variety of apples). However, in the case of tomatoes, there was a small selection to be had.

Now at the risk of sounding very haughty, high-minded and intellectually biased, I am going to proceed on here. I'm among my WT friends, after all, and I feel this is a safe place for me to sound off...

I'm standing in front of the produce. In order to read the prices here, you have to look above the items, find the name of what you're looking for and read the sign. It's not exactly rocket science. Suddenly, I become very aware of the area surrounding me and the odor therein. Uh-huh. You guessed it. B.O., sisters. Bigtime. I nearly caught my breath, but before I could, a hand was on my back. I looked up to find myself staring at the big breasts of an enormous woman in halter top and spandex leggings. Of course, I was also face to face with the B.O. I tried to back up, but the giant woman put her arm around me and drew me closer.

As an aside here, let me just say two things. I am not a small woman, but this woman made me feel dimunitive! And second, I have an aversion to close-talkers to begin with. That's even with people I know well. So to have a B.O. laced Amazon whom I don't know from Eve hug me to her bosom? Well, let's just say it was all I could do not to vomit. I guess you could compare it to my daughter's reaction to the pizza sauce at the concert (see 7/4 post)!

"Lemme axe you somthin'..."

"Uh-huh, sure" (just please don't put my nose in your armpit...)

(Pointing at the Grape Tomatoes and then up at the signage above) "Which ones is these?"

"Oh, those are the Grape Tomatoes."

(releasing her vice grip...) "Grape? Geez...And how much are they?"

(Pointing at the sign...) "A dollar twenty-nine."

"Oh..." (picking up the Roma Tomatoes and again resting her other hand on my back...) "Well, how 'bout these here? Are they the ones that's 59 cents?"

"Hmmm...no, it says they're a dollar forty-nine."

(pointing at a different sign) "Well, damn...which ones does it say is 59 cents?"

(looking where her finger points, it dawns on me...) "Oh, that's the avocadoes. They're 59 cents apiece."

"Sheee-uht. Ava-what? I just need me some tomatoes."

"Yeah..." OK, now, really. What was I supposed to say? I did feel sorry for her. She stunk, she couldn't read. And she didn't know the joy of the California avocado. Life's tough, you know?

Standing in line now...

Stinky Amazon: Man, did you see those tomatoes? They's pricey! I thought they was 59 cents.

Super Genious: Yeah, but they do have the brown sugah. That shit's good for your heart, and it only 89 cents here.

Heart healthy bargain shopping. Only at Aldi in the Hood...

Parade of Homes

This past Saturday Chris and I went to the Parade of Homes. I really dig that kind of stuff since I love, love, love to decorate. The "main" stop was the Crowne Pointe Subdivision, which I had never heard of before. I guess I now know why! These homes were selling for $500,000!! But, they had them fully decked out. All decorated and furnished...plus on that day you got to meet the decorators and ask any and everything about their designs. We toured ten houses in that subdivision and then went on to a few more on the map. None of those were furnished, so we headed on back home. Here are some pics of what we saw....they may seem weird, but I was taking pictures of things that I would like to do in my home. ENJOY!!

Our new Puppy!

Meet the newest addition to the Dickens household! Ain't he a cutie? We've had him since Sunday night. Our friends got him for their daughter who is seven, with the understanding that he would be her responsibility. Well, to make a long story short, they just wern't dog people. They called up to offer him to us, and we talked about it for a little (funny thing is...we were talking about getting a dog all that weekend!) and then decided we would have him "sleepover" for a couple of nights to see how Bryce would be with a puppy that small.

Anyhow, we decided to keep him, but he's STILL nameless. The previous owners had named him "Buddy". It's an okay name, I can take it or leave it, but I need to make up my mind pretty soon. What are your suggestions for a name?

Quiz time

You Are 39% Bitchy

You're a pretty sweet person, and you're definitely not prone to bitchy outbursts. Sometimes, though, you can't help thinking mean thoughts about people. But at least you don't act on them!

How Bitchy Are You?

All American Kid

Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain. You were well rounded and well liked in high school.

Who Were You In High School?

You Are 32% Gross

You're a tad gross, but generally you're a clean, hygienic person. No one can be perfectly clean all the time, and it's better to be human than a neat freak.

How Gross Are You?

Good mood.

I had a rather sane today. I was asked to go to work this morning to fill in for someone who was sick. So I had planned to have the day off, but really needed to work for some cash, so I said "what the heck". All of my patients were borderline normal today thus no "TALES FROM THE CRYPT".

But anyway, the challenge for today is to list five things that make you happy. I'm pretty sure I can list more than five!



~Hearing my son's laughter
~Cuddling with hubby
~When all of the household duties are complete
~A slow day at work
~A big paycheck
~Finishing a project
~Hanging with the girls
~Scrapbooking
~Long, hot bubblebaths
~A good glass of wine (sometimes enjoyed while doing the above mentioned)
~Great smelling candles
~New episodes of Grey's Anatomy
~Tropical places
~New shoes
~Yummy coffee
~My celebrity smut magazines
~A good night's sleep
~Feeling appreciated
~A great mail day
~Making other people happy

Want another bad habit?

Try this game: tennis

Another celeb couple bites the dust!

Hmm, for some reason I though they would make it.

Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro Split
MONDAY JULY 17, 2006 05:45PM EST

By Stephen M. Silverman

Navarro and Electra on April 10

Photo by: Fernando Leon / Retna

Actress Carmen Electra and Rock Star: Supernova host Dave Navarro have separated.

Electra and Navarro are "amicably separating," says rep Jill Fritzo. They married on Nov. 22, 2003 in a wedding documented on the 2004 MTV reality show 'Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen & Dave.

Although rumors of trouble had circulated for months, the couple always insisted they were fine. Navarro, who has played guitar for Jane's Addiction and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, even turned out to support Electra at the New York City premiere of Scary Movie 4 on April 10.

That month, Electra told PEOPLE, "We're fine! I'm not saying we have the perfect marriage or that we're the perfect couple, but we're pretty damn good." If there were trouble, she added, "I wouldn't have my ring on. I would not walk around and pretend."

This was the second marriage for Electra (real name: Tara Leigh Patrick), 34. She married NBA star Dennis Rodman in Las Vegas in November 1998, but the union ended five months later. It was a third marriage for Navarro, 39.

At Navarro and Electra's wedding, which took place at L.A.'s St. Regis Hotel, the 200 guests – including Hugh Hefner and Sharon Osbourne – were escorted into a Garden of Eden-like setting, complete with projected water walls, flowered metal vines and a white python, PEOPLE reported.

Gazing at her husband to be, Electra joked during her vows, "I thought I would never marry a guy who looks in the mirror more than I do."
Try 4 Issues of PEOPLE Risk Free

HOT HOT HOT!

Whew! I need to think of a good INDOOR activity for us today. Temps are going to feel like 100 degrees. I just don't think this girl can hang. There's not much on the agenda for us today. I got awakened at 4:30 this am by my lovely pager, so I went in and did a scan and then hit up Starbucks for a pick-me-up. Too bad my body hasn't caught up yet. We're headed to the Y for the 8:15 body pump class (which I love!), and then back home for a little cleaning. Sounds like a sane day!

Will we call him your BROTHER or your COUSIN?

What a dilemma to be in. These were by far the strangest most backwoods people I've ever met. My OB ultrasound patient at the clinic in Smyrna. She comes back with two other girls and a toddler boy. The toddler boy belongs to my patients sister. The other girl was just a tag-along. Follow closely....So I'm scanning and everyone's watching and blabbing as usual, and then the Aunt (mom to toddler) says, "Can you say hi to your brother?". I then asked mom if that was her son, because in her history this was her only pregnancy. The mom told her sister, "COUSIN! IT'S HIS COUSIN!". Okay, what's going on here? Well, apparently these sisters have the same taste in men. My patient's baby-daddy was the same baby-daddy of the little boy (her sister's kid!).

YIKES! That was FREAKY! Not to mention Jerry Springer-ish.

Random Ramble

I've had alot going on lately, and it seems like every day has been a blur since Thursday. I worked Thursday in Smyrna until about 4pm. I then packed up all of my Tastefully Simple supplies and headed to Liberty, TN for a show. Her house was in the BOONIES! Don't you hate it when MapQuest screws up directions? That's one thing about lovely DeKalb County (my hometown), people love to tear down street signs! So my directions had "left turn onto so-and-so road", but I didn't know where in the hell that was! Anyway, I found it with about a minute to spare. The show went very well! She sold about $424 in product and I got two more bookings, so that made me happy! I packed up everything and headed back to the boro. As soon as I entered the city limits, I kid you not, my pager went off. Time to go back to work! I stopped by the house to change and unload my cold items and went to work...not once....not twice....but THREE TIMES!! Yep, three callbacks in one night. OUCH that hurt! So, I took my happy ass to work in Smyrna on Friday at 8am. Why do I do this to myself! LOL! Three hours of sleep (combined, not all at once) is not enough to put up with some of my patients that I have there. I'll post the Jerry Springer-ish experience in a separate blog.

So, to continue my saga....I had to set up for a yard sale after work on Friday. I got all of the clothes hung and items set up on the tables ready to go for a 7am start. NOT! My friend (whose house I was having this at) calls me at 5:45am and asks me, "How much will you take for your printer?". I was like WTF! People were knocking on her door that damn early! Have some respect people! But anyway, I ended up with almost $350 cash after the sale, and alot of stuff to take to Goodwill. We took our earnings and went to dinner at The Chop House. If you've never been there, I highly recommend this place. I had skewered shrimp with asparagus, and Chris got the 12-oz prime rib. It was Yum-Yum!

Another idiotic thing I did was signing up to take call yesterday (Sunday). After my hellish last three days. I thought it would be easy money. The girl that usually works that shift was off, and she usually only comes in a couple of times. They wore me out! I started the day off with a 15-year old with a DVT. So the ER docs thought it would be a good idea to do a venous doppler on ALL of the patients that came in with leg, ankle or knee pain. I probably did about ten exams yesterday and spent more in gas money than I made.

But, I have a fairly sane week now. I'll be in a much better mood in a couple of days ;)

Great summer Salad recipe to share

I made this with dinner last night and it was super yummy! I'm glad I have some leftovers today!

SALAD WITH LEMON VINAIGRETTE

Ingredients:
juice of 1 lemon
1/4 cup lite red wine/olive oil vinaigrette
5.5 oz spring mix salad blend
1 medium yellow tomato
1/2 red bell pepper
1/2 cucumber
2 tablespoons rasins

Steps:
Rinse all veggies. Cut lemon in half and squeeze juice (about 2 tablespoons) into salad bowl; add dressing and wisk together. Add salad greens and toss to coat.

Slice tomato into bite-size pieces; cut pepper and cucumber into 1/4 inch thick slices and add to salad.

Add raisins and toss to mix. Serve and enjoy!

10 things accomplished

Whew! I was so busy yesterday! But, I can name atleast 10 things I got accomplished with some drama (of course).....can you?

1.) Wal-Mart trip-I went to the newer one on Bradyville pike. I've never felt so lost before in a Wal-Mart. Why do they lay them all out different?

2.) Got my cell phone repaired. The outer LCD screen cracked about a week after I had it. I didn't drop it or anything! Just a little drama there. The first guy I dropped it off with told me there would be no charge. When I went to pick it up, the assistant mgr told me it would be a $55 charge because it is a "cosmetic" flaw, and has no effect on the phone's integrity. Anyway, to make a long story less long, I made three trips out there yesterday and I didn't pay them a penny!

3.) Dropped off five layouts at the scrapbook store for "page kits of the week"

4.) Cashed a check at the bank

5.) Prepared all of my party food for my FIRST Tastefully Simple party tonight! I baked Cinnamon Muffin Melts and Lemon Bars, made a Key Lime Cheeseball and Pasta sauce.

6.) Paid off my living room furniture before the "12 mths same as cash" offer came back to bite me in the ass. I then cancelled the account. Thank you Oprah!

7.) Cooked chicken fajitas

8.) Priced items for my yard sale this Saturday. I bought a pack of 477 stickers and only had 72 left...YIKES!!

9.) Mopped my kitchen floor

10.) Went to the gym and stuck to my healthy eating!

Green beans in the Hizz-ouse!

Thank God I'm a country girl! I spent today up at my grandparents house in Smithville picking green beans from their garden. A whole 5 gallon bucket full! I ended up leaving with 12 quarts that had just been canned. YUM! They are my FAVORITE! I also got to get a "mess" of squash as my grandma calls it.

We usually don't have to help out much with the garden, but my grandparents aren't doing so well this summer. My grandma is in remission from endometrial cancer...it's been less than a year since her last chemo treatment, and my grandpa had eye surgery on July 3rd for maculaur degeneration disease. He can get around, but can't see, and she sees well but can't get around. They're both basically in denial about getting old and that's why they put out a garden (or had my cousin plant it). That's just what they've always done I guess. But hey, I'm more than willing to help out if I get to reap the benefits of good fresh veggies!

Just another manic Monday....

We had a fun-filled weekend in the Dickens household! I had my living room painted, and I LOVE it! These pictures make it look a little more "orangey" than it really is. I decided to hire a painter to come in to tackle this job. I usually dig doing this kind of thing, but high ceilings, dark paint and a 2 1/2 year old just don't mix. They came in and started painting at 9am Saturday and were finished by 1pm! It would've taken me four days instead of four hours!

While they were working, I cleaned and purged items for our yardsale this Saturday. So, if you're in the neighborhood please stop by! It will be a big one!

I was feeling REAL generous this weekend...I guess I was happy about my new paint job.....but, I brought home a new XBOX 360 and a game for Chris. Yes, there was a small puddle of vomit beside the cash register when they rang that one up. His mom was going to give him money to buy one for his birthday next month, but I went ahead and got it figuring he could use the money for more games and accessories. He's happy, so I'm happy :)

~~Pet Peeves~~

So everyone has pet peeves. I just thought it would be therapeutic to jot down a few. Here are mine, and feel free to share yours :)

~TOILET PAPER! It must be hung over and not under
~People who drive like maniacs
~Smacking food in your mouth
~People that are still shooting fireworks WAY past my bedtime!!
~Being ignored at a store when I need help

Just catchin' up!

Well, I don't have alot to blog about today, since I worked an uneventful 12 hour shift yesterday (hallelujah!). I think the weather kept the crazy people in the house! We had a blast on the 4th of July! I had families over from my mom's group for a BBQ around lunch time (the heat of the day, how cruel of me!). Sorry guys for the temperature. We had some yummo food! Then everyone went down for a nap and we went to Misty's house for another BBQ and fireworks.....men and fire.....nuff said!