Just for giggles

I read this on someone else's blog and laughed my butt off! I hope you enjoy it too! P.S. WT (White Trash)


Aldi in the Hood

That's right. There's a distinct difference between Aldi in the 'burbs and the Aldi in the Hood. And I'm here to spell them out for you. I had never yet been to Aldi in the Hood, but last week, I was picking up my dry cleaning in the Hood (at the waaaaay cheaper cleaners there...), and I figured while I was over there, I'd give it a shot and save myself the trip to the one I usually go to. Neither is actually close to my own home, so it's never a convenient trip, to be honest. At least not as convenient as my grocery store a few blocks away.

I walked in and discovered that the layout was basically the same. Same routine on the carts. Prices: same. Cool...but that's where the similarities ended, my WT comrades. Here's how it went down from there...

So, I'm strolling along the first aisle, and this guy stops in front of the sugars and proudly tells his wife/significant other/hoochie mama...whatever:
"Hey, 'dis brown sugah bettah for ya' dan duh white stuff. It healthy. It the heart healthy shit. Let's get some."

It took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about. Aha! He was thinking of the naturally brown sugar - you know, like Sugar in the Raw? The unprocessed stuff? Far be it from me to correct the genious.

Strolling, strolling...
An employee approaches an ancient woman just behind me...
"Excuse me, ma'am. We're going to have to keep that bag for you up front while you're shopping. You can have it back when you leave the store." (takes a plastic shopping bag from the elderly woman, while repeating what she has just said) It becomes apparent that the woman has been placing smaller items in the bag in an effort to steal them. This is disturbing on so many levels...
not the least of which is the value (or apparent lack thereof) that we place on the elderly in our society. But this is a "happy" column, so I'll journey onward.

So, I'm on the produce aisle, which, by the way, is probably about five percent the size of the supermarket size of produce aisle. Generally, at Aldi, as I've mentioned before, there's just one of each type of product (one white bread, one grape jelly, one variety of apples). However, in the case of tomatoes, there was a small selection to be had.

Now at the risk of sounding very haughty, high-minded and intellectually biased, I am going to proceed on here. I'm among my WT friends, after all, and I feel this is a safe place for me to sound off...

I'm standing in front of the produce. In order to read the prices here, you have to look above the items, find the name of what you're looking for and read the sign. It's not exactly rocket science. Suddenly, I become very aware of the area surrounding me and the odor therein. Uh-huh. You guessed it. B.O., sisters. Bigtime. I nearly caught my breath, but before I could, a hand was on my back. I looked up to find myself staring at the big breasts of an enormous woman in halter top and spandex leggings. Of course, I was also face to face with the B.O. I tried to back up, but the giant woman put her arm around me and drew me closer.

As an aside here, let me just say two things. I am not a small woman, but this woman made me feel dimunitive! And second, I have an aversion to close-talkers to begin with. That's even with people I know well. So to have a B.O. laced Amazon whom I don't know from Eve hug me to her bosom? Well, let's just say it was all I could do not to vomit. I guess you could compare it to my daughter's reaction to the pizza sauce at the concert (see 7/4 post)!

"Lemme axe you somthin'..."

"Uh-huh, sure" (just please don't put my nose in your armpit...)

(Pointing at the Grape Tomatoes and then up at the signage above) "Which ones is these?"

"Oh, those are the Grape Tomatoes."

(releasing her vice grip...) "Grape? Geez...And how much are they?"

(Pointing at the sign...) "A dollar twenty-nine."

"Oh..." (picking up the Roma Tomatoes and again resting her other hand on my back...) "Well, how 'bout these here? Are they the ones that's 59 cents?"

"Hmmm...no, it says they're a dollar forty-nine."

(pointing at a different sign) "Well, damn...which ones does it say is 59 cents?"

(looking where her finger points, it dawns on me...) "Oh, that's the avocadoes. They're 59 cents apiece."

"Sheee-uht. Ava-what? I just need me some tomatoes."

"Yeah..." OK, now, really. What was I supposed to say? I did feel sorry for her. She stunk, she couldn't read. And she didn't know the joy of the California avocado. Life's tough, you know?

Standing in line now...

Stinky Amazon: Man, did you see those tomatoes? They's pricey! I thought they was 59 cents.

Super Genious: Yeah, but they do have the brown sugah. That shit's good for your heart, and it only 89 cents here.

Heart healthy bargain shopping. Only at Aldi in the Hood...